how to process and handle rejection

Maybe this was your first year auditioning. Maybe it was your 3rd. Maybe you’ve been plugging away as a jobbing Actor for years. Whichever it is for you, the sting of rejection can be sharp and painful.

You put in loads of work to prepare for the audition and stayed hopeful thinking that you’ll get the all important ‘yes’ that you wanted.

And it didn’t happen. And it hurts. And that sucks.

rejection Is CRAP

No two ways about it, rejection bites the big one. And speaking as a professional Actor who has had a pile of ‘No’s from various drama schools and casting directors over the years - the sting doesn’t go away. But there are ways to deal with it so that you can feel it, pick yourself up and move on faster.

feel it

You’ve got to feel it to heal it as they say so first things first - allow yourself the time to feel sad/frustrated/hopeless. The emotions and thoughts happening right now are valid and automatic within our bodies and minds so let them run their course. Ignoring them or, worse still, chastising yourself for them will only come back to bite you in the short or long term. Allow the demon to run amok before being exorcised. Take a day to actually mourn the loss. Curl up on the sofa and watch trash TV and feel jealous of all the people who seem to have it all together and get everything that they want (screw them). But, and this is IMPORTANT, grieve but do not wallow for an extended length of time. Put a limit on how long you are going to do this for. I usually do half or a full day of feeling truly sorry for myself. Anything more than this, you’re on the slippery slope to long term despair, victimhood, learned helplessness and bitterness. Put a time limit on it, feel it and then move on to the next point.

thank yourself

Yes, it sounds a bit cheesy but like with any muscle it needs to be exercised and for many, the gratitude muscle is skipped more often than leg day. Once you have had your day of woe, sit down and write out the reasons why you are grateful to yourself for preparing for the audition the way you did and for trying as hard as you did and for maintaining a sense of hope like you did. These things are an act of bravery in a fearful world of judgement and shame. Acknowledge that the hard work is still there despite the outcome. That you are worthy regardless of rejection. That your identity is not reliant on whether you get the job, the place at the school, the promotion, the engagement ring, whatever!

take stock

What did you learn from this experience? There are always things that worked well and things that need improvement when it comes to auditions. Write them down and file them for the next opportunity that comes your way. Sometimes the ‘no’ comes simply from the idea that the casting director decided to ‘go in a different direction’ - this means that your work was great but they just decided to go with someone else for the role. Frustrating, yes. But what did you learn? You learned that sometimes it isn’t about you lacking anything. It just wasn’t your job. You learned that there are a ton of talented people out there who also sometimes get lucky and sometimes don’t. Write down what you actually learned from this experience. What are the take aways? What are the things that you didn’t know before and are fortunate to know now because of this event?

take action

We often get frustrated and disheartened by rejection because its something that we simply can’t control. You can’t control your train being cancelled or your partner breaking up with you or Downing Street having lockdown parties. Not having control over aspects of our lives make us feel powerless and powerlessness is a killer. It stops you taking action and taking responsibility for what you do now. Flip this. Take action. Once rejection hits you always have a choice - stay where you are or move forward. You have the choice to continue to wallow or give up or you have the choice to get up, wash your face, drink some water, go outside, connect with loved ones and try again. Action trumps rejection because you restablish that you have control over certain elements in your life. This includes your mindset. You have the choice to accept that rejection is a part of life and a huge part of the acting industry or you have the choice to be broken by it. Don’t mistake me - mindset is a choice.

maintain hope

That job wasn’t your job. It wasn’t your year to get into drama school. That opportunity wasn’t meant for you. But there is a job for you. There is a year for you. There is an opportunity for you. If you decide to keep the faith. Maintaining hope is an act of bravery and an act of defiance in a harsh world of ‘No’s. Hope can leave you vulnerable but it cannot leave you weak. Hoping leaves you open to the possibility of rejection and disappointment but not hoping will guarantee you disappointment and rejection. I know which flag I would rather plant.